I am so losing my patience...HELP!

[Loosey]

I am totally at my wits end with my 4 yr old. She has done so much to destroy my house I won't even go into it or I will be typing all day! To give you the gist....she does stuff I would expect out of a 2 yr old! MAYBE even a 3 yr old! Not a child who will be 5 in a month!! I can't take it anymore. I've tried blowing it off and saying that's just the way she is, but dammit enough is enough. We've disciplined her...time out (lots of time out!), taking away privileges, making her go to bed earlier, giving her time out from her favorite toy, and yes, I have even swatted her butt which I never do! I don't spank my kids...I don't think it's wrong to spank, but it just has always been my absolute last resort...a resort I've RARELY had to use! My house is a disaster and not even because of my 11 month old twins! She steals from me ALL the time. Maybe I shouldn't use the word steal, but she does! My husband has found my clothes, my wedding rings, my nightgown, baby bottles, pacifiers, the twins' shoes (ok so it's some of the babies' stuff) It's usually MY stuff so I took that as a sign that I wasn't spending enough time with her. Well, you know what, that is BS! I spend ALL day with her when the twins are napping, when they are eating, etc...I hang out with her! I take her everywhere with me, even if nobody else goes with me..to the store, to the bank, to grab dinner, etc. Come on! I tell you the girl has no impulse control...NONE! I say things to her and she looks at me like I'm speaking another language...like she isn't processing it. She doesn't know her numbers or letters, she doesn't even know what her name looks like. This is not for our lack of trying either...we have gotten flash cards, books, workbooks, computer games, you name it...nothing is registering. NOTHING. I had her evaluated by the county and they spent, no lie, 10 minutes with her and said there was nothing wrong with her. Ok so I'd rather not think of anything being "wrong" per se, but my gut tells me there is something more to this than her just being a bit rambunctious. I'm at the point where I am just angry with her all the time! I hate it! I pick up the phone constantly to call the pedi and then I think "Now what the heck am I gonna say anyway?" then I hang up, cuz I have no idea. Hey doc, my kid is outta control can you help us out? UGH! It just really sucks because she is my most loving, caring, compassionate child despite all of this. She is my nurturer which makes NO SENSE. AAAAHHHH! I think I'm just scared because my 11 yr old has ADHD and when I first took him to a pedi (who I never saw again after this) she told me "I really hate it when parents come in here expecting me to write them a prescription to control their children". Um, yeah, that's so not what I wanted from her. Anyone have any ideas?? I'm so at a loss!

[twinbears]

Since she is almost 5 have you thought about getting her involved in preschool or anything like that does she do anything like that? dance or anything? Maybe it isn't about spending time with you but time to show her independence?
Has she said why she takes this stuff or does she say nothing when you ask her?

[chasing_two]

Is there a Pre-K, mother's day out, or similar program you could get her into? I know the school year is almost over but maybe a little socializing would do some good. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this, some children are just SO strong willed. I would definitely talk to your pedi or maybe even a child psychologist to get some ideas on handling her. I wish you the best of luck, I hope you find a solution soon!!

[Loosey]

She says she doesn't know. She was in preschool until I quit working a year ago and she had 3 incident reports on her within only a few months because she is so impulsive. I thought about the independence thing and she doesn't do well with that either. I have no idea. I ask her if she wants to do soccer, play this, do that, she says nah. Truthfully, I'm also afraid to spend money that I don't have for her to just be disruptive or not participate. I mean, if she does it the money is not an issue, but I don't really have it to waste..know what I mean? I may look into something though...that may be a really good idea.

[twinbears]

Maybe dance or karate or somthing becasue you learn to be disiplined?

[crazycase]

Maybe dance or karate or somthing becasue you learn to be disiplined?

and you can let out a LOT of energy and just go crazy!

[WhoserMomma!]

By reading this post, I get that she loves attention. Any attention...good or bad. With twin siblings, a lot has been taken from her. Even if you get upset with her, she is soaking up that attention. By her acting out, all eyes are on her.
I had to go through this with each one of mine. :newmom
I even got down to the point where I was playing Barbie's with Sammi.
If it were me, I would set goals for her and make a big deal about it when she does something. She will love that kind of attention more and hopefully try to make you happy instead of sad.
I've found that twins suck out a lot of attention from their siblings and not meaning to. They are just more time consuming.
I pray it gets better for you soon. It will when the twins get a little older and don't need you all the time.
:bighug

[twinbears]

I agree with Dayna. My daughter is the only girl and she isn't a twin which to her is a huge deal she wishes she had a twin so I know alot of her drama has to do with that. I agree with praising her for the goals you set for her.

[Pezzle Stick]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this :bighug My oldest was always so well behaved. When I had the twins he started acting out. Eventhough I tried to spend as much time with him as possible, I think he still saw that the babies were taking alot more of my attention. Before, he was the only child so everything was focused on him. Not only was it me but grandparents, aunt, uncle were giving attention to the twins (not that they neglected him in any way for sure) and I think he noticed all of that. A few times he even asked me why I had to have babies :( but he does love his brother and sister. Maybe find something that you two can do together once a week or so. Every Tuesday and Saturday I take Logan to hockey alone (I get a babysitter for the twins). Eventhough we aren't sitting together (he's out playing on the rink) he knows that I'm there only to watch him.
I hope you find something that works :hug

[Loosey]

Yeah I hear what you guys are saying and thank you so much. The problem is she started this before the babies, before we even knew I was pregnant with them. Or rather, before SHE knew I was pregnant with them. :para Truthfully, as I was reading your responses it occured to me this all started when we moved into this house and we had to stay with my parents waiting for this place to be ready. Our house sold in one day so it was very, very fast and she STILL talks about that old house. :( She was 3 for goodness sakes! Geez, I just don't know what to do. I think I will look into putting her in some kind of activity as you all suggested, something that will be only hers that even her sister isn't involved in. Thank you all again!

[twinbears]

We had a cat in Guam and my daughter still cries over him becasue we had to give him away and she was 3. I don't think she remembers much about him but now even at 7 will break down in a huge emotional meltdown over him. Maybe she can so something to the house to help her make her like it? You know just small things.

[HoneyBee + 3]

I'm going through some rough times with my 4 yr. old as well. I keep going back and forth on whether she might have ADHD or not. We have a family history of it. I just recently got the book "Raising Your Sprited Child" and I've only gotten through a couple of chapter, but already she fits this term "spirited" to a T. Just a thought. I'm sorry you're having a rough time with her. It's so hard to deal with it when you've got so many other things to do as well. Hang in there. :hug

[Spuds]

:bighug I have no advice, but I hope you get to the root of the problem soon, and have your happy girl back. Karate sounds great!! :pinkheart

[Pie]

Okay, here's my :twocents.
From what you said about the house, I got the impression that she may be one of those kids that is very sensitive to changes of any kind. All little kids like to know what to expect next, but she may be even more sensitive than other kids her age. Does she have a routine day to day? If there is going to be something different happening on a particular day, she may need much more advanced warning than she has been getting in order for her to emotionally prepare herself. It may be that the school setting she was in was just too overwhelming because she never knew what to expect, so she acted out. I would try talking about what is going to happen each day as soon as she gets up in the morning ("We are going to have breakfast, after breakfast we will go to the park, after that yada yada yada...") and keep telling her all day what you will be doing ("Remember, after we finish lunch you have a playdate with Jane.") :shrug I would definitely talk to your ped too. I think it is totally valid to call them & say "I need help understanding what my daughter is going through right now."

[TheBudsMom]

I am going to sound like some fruit cake here but I went through this with Shelby when Hanna came along and we moved into a new house.
I had read somewhere that a 3 minute hug would work wonders verses a 3 minute lecture on why not to do something or 3 minutes in time out. I tried it a few times and it worked GREAT. Yes it sounds weird but instead of screaming at her I would hug her and we would talk about some other subject other than what she had done wrong :shrug Not sure why it worked but it did. I would had thought she would had acted out more but she didn't...she would even come and crawl up in my lap and tell me she needed a hug even if she didn't do anything wrong :lol Maybe it was just a little more reassurance that things were still that same even through all the changes we had just had..I dunno!
Some may say it was the dance class that she was in that helped her but I still think it was the extra hugs ;)

Also if you do think she has ADHD go ahead and have her tested, call the pedi and get a referral to a neurologist. It hurts nothing to be tested and helps everything if it is caught before she enters school :)

[Dixie Momma]

My kids have been through a lot of changes the past few years and I've noticed my 4 year old twins acting out a good bit, too. We've had them tearing up books and toys, coloring on sheets, toys, etc and I've even had a few issues the past 3 weeks or so with Alex misbehaving at preschool. I wish I had the magic answers for you, but it looks like we'll struggle along together.

I think some of it is age related, though and hopefully, they'll outgrow it.

[Dixie Momma]

oh, and I meant to say I think the changes are part of the problem, too.

[rtmommie]

Les~ I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. Look in the parks and recs book that gets sent out. There are some pretty cheap activities in there that are held at the Arcola Community Center. Often these are just one time classes, so you wouldn't be wasting alot of cash. What I had to do with Ethan was positive reinforcement. When he behaved, he got a star on the chart. When x amounts of stars were obtained he got a prize. Is she going to school next year???

[Loosey]

Funny you mentioned that...they have a dance class at Arcola...a 6 week class I may sign her up for. I looked in the book today. I talked to her about it and she was very excited! Yep she goes to kindergarten next year. I think that will help as well. I do think she gets bored a little. :shrug

[zak frost]

Have them check into a processing disorder? Her issues sound simliar to Toad's. It would be somewhere to start looking at least.

Toad has a processing disorder. He didn't learn colors until he was 4 1/2. He just learned letters last year and he still isn't that good with them. He learned numbers in 2005. He also has some developmental delays. You can only give him like one or two "commands" at a time. He also learns kinestically. He needs movement to help him learn things.