I can't do this...

[Smidget]

DH left for work like an hour ago, and they have been crying nonstop ever since. BOTH OF THEM!!!! I got probably 2 hours of sleep last night, can't get them to stop crying, and just want someone to come take them away from me. Why won't they stop crying???? What am I doing wrong/not doing that they need from me? It's not even the crying that bothers me, its the fact that my babies are upset and there's nothing i can do. And it's not like i can even help them both. i can only really comfort one at a time, which means the other one is still miserable and screaming at the top of her lungs...


I just can't do this! I'm NEVER gonna make it through the weekend (DH works 4 nights). And I literally have NO help...the closest family we have is 4 hours away, and I don't really have any friends here...I don't know what to do. I just want someone to come take them. I don't want them anymore. WHAT DO I DO???????????

[Duck]

I feel your pain :hugs. It's hard, really, there's no sugarcoating it. But, I promise you, despite the fact that it seems like they cry forever, you forget really quickly when it's over and it doesn't seem so bad anymore. I wish I could come help ya! I hope that they fall asleep soon to give you some time to recuperate. Hang in there hun. Have you looked into your local MOMS? That might be a good source of friends to help right now.

[Lilac]

Honey, I am so sorry. :( I don't know what to tell you. Honestly, you are doing NOTHING wrong. My babies cried for the first 6 months of their lives and I thought I was going to DIE. I wish there was a way I could help you, I wish you had help where you were. I wish your babies would sleep and give you rest. :( All I can say is try to hang in there and do the best you can. :hugs I wish I could do more. :(

[Ringlette]

Do you have any swings or vibrating bouncies? The vibrating bouncies saved my life! I would bounce one in the bouncy with my foot and rock the other one, or bounce both of them, or rock both of them. I also spent a lot of time rocking both of the in the recliner. I suggest getting these things if you don't have them. Look at garage sales or on craigslist.

I'm so sorry you are going thru this right now. We have all been there, and it really does suck!:hugs

Just curious, why can't you comfort them both at the same time?

[Candyland]

Let them cry. You can only do so much. They cry, you get stressed, they sense that and cry harder. If you need to get away from the sound for a brief minute then go in another room (obviously with them in a safe place) or step outside.

I had a very colicy crying baby! A lot of time I held him for HOURS and just walked with a little bounce (yes it can be done while holding 2 babies). It was the only thing that worked. I'll be thinking about you tonight and I really hope they calm down for you. :hugs

[Smidget]

Do you have any swings or vibrating bouncies? The vibrating bouncies saved my life! I would bounce one in the bouncy with my foot and rock the other one, or bounce both of them, or rock both of them. I also spent a lot of time rocking both of the in the recliner. I suggest getting these things if you don't have them. Look at garage sales or on craigslist.

I'm so sorry you are going thru this right now. We have all been there, and it really does suck!:hugs

Just curious, why can't you comfort them both at the same time?
i have one swing and one vibrating chair. i only got one of each b/c i wasn't sure if they'd both like it, only one would, etc. i figured we could always buy another one later if they both liked the same thing. and the bouncy chair doesn't do much for either of them. we only use it really when they're quiet or as a place to put them when they're already asleep. if they're crying it doesn't calm them.

as for comforting them both at once, i can't hold them both at once. well, physically i can, but i HATE it. it doesn't feel safe. i feel like im hurting whoever i'm picking up with one hand, and that i'm gonna drop them or something when i hold them both. i'm ok if im sitting on the couch or whatever, but getting to the couch with both of them so that i can hold them both is the problem. and im always holding one when the other one starts to cry. i dunno. alanna LOVES to fall asleep on my chest, so i really have nowhere to put devonne when alanna's doing this (which usually stops her from crying). i dunno. its mostly just that im scared of hurting them or dropping them or something. and it seems like the only way they can be comforted is by being held :( i just picked alanna up for a minute and she fell right asleep. why couldn't she just go to sleep in the chair she was sitting in instead of crying? she was obviously tired...i want someone to come hold me till i fall asleep...maybe i'd feel better then

[Iggy]

Oh honey :hugs I feel your pain, mine weren't comforted by swings or vibrating bouncies either, only by being walked around and jiggled. It was hellish to walk around holding both of them for 3 or 4 hours cause they just weren't happy and didn't want anything but to be walked around. Those small babies start to feel like they weigh a lot more when you've been holding both of them for hours.

Do you go to church? Call your church and ask for someone to come help you. If not, call the ombudsman for your DH's command and tell them you don't know anybody and need HELP! They should be able to find someone to come help you. You can try your local NOMOTC chapter (mine are a bunch of snotty rich byotches but you might be in a good area, it's worth a shot).

[Ringlette]

When one is in the bouncy chair is it vibrating while you bounce it with your foot? Mine didn't like it much unless I was bouncing it with my foot.

I know it feels uncomfortable to pick up and hold both of them at the same time right now, but it can be done, and gets easy very quickly. Try setting one on the couch next to you, pick the other one up, and then pick up the one on the couch. When you have that down, you can move on to trying it in a rocking chair, but put one in the bouncy instead of next to you. All you have to do is squat down as far as you can (while holding baby #1) and pick up baby #2 quickly bringing her to your chest. Then stand up and sit in the rocking chair. You won't be that far off the ground if you are squatting on it (which is hopefully carpeted). Soon you will even learn how to put binkies/boobs back in mouths or adjust blankets and maybe even eat while you are holding both. I completely understand how you feel. I was scared at first too, but necessity took over.

Another option is to get a sling, and sling one baby while you pick up the other one. I had a Maya wrap and LOVED it! When they got older, I would sling them while I was in public and I could nurse them this way while being hands free.

I hope they have worn themselves out and give you a nice long nap.:hugs

[Duck]

Have you tried the football hold with them? Do you ever swaddle them? Have you ever tried laying them down cuddled next to each other to pick them up at the same time? What kind of swing do you have (forward and back or combination of that and side to side)? How are you holding up :hug?

[zakity]

Sorry!! I was there... A long long time ago!! It does pass and they do stop crying!!

[Smidget]

Do you go to church? Call your church and ask for someone to come help you. If not, call the ombudsman for your DH's command and tell them you don't know anybody and need HELP! They should be able to find someone to come help you. You can try your local NOMOTC chapter (mine are a bunch of snotty rich byotches but you might be in a good area, it's worth a shot).
um, no, i don't go to church. and DH isn't in the navy anymore, otherwise i'd have TONS of help from all the wives, etc. i still haven't officially become a member of the MOTC here yet, but i'm working on it. honestly though, i SUCK at asking for help. i just can't seem to do it unless im comfortable with the person, and there's no one here im comfortable with (which doesn't help my depression, either)

RING - i know i'm gonna have to figure it out and get used to it, but it just terrifies me. i dunno. i guess i'm just not that frustrated yet...when i am i'll just do it without thinking about it cuz it's what needs to be done. till then, i dunno. i'll just bitch about it i guess. cuz i've done it, but every time it just doesn't feel right. i know it probably sounds like im being really stubborn. i'm not trying to, i'm just really terrified of hurting them. and they have worn themselves out now and are sleeping, but one wakes up every time i finally fall asleep...UGH!


Have you tried the football hold with them? Do you ever swaddle them? Have you ever tried laying them down cuddled next to each other to pick them up at the same time? What kind of swing do you have (forward and back or combination of that and side to side)? How are you holding up :hug?
yeah, football hold works when i feed them both, but that's really all i use it for. and they only get swaddled at night, because that's how they sleep best, but we don't want em used to sleeping during the day. um, and we have one of those swings that go sideways and front and back. i'm still alive. both are asleep now but every time i lay down to go to sleep i swear one wakes up. i think i'll go lay down upstairs (they're in the pack n play bassinet now) and keep my door open so i can hear them cry, but not all the little noises they make when they sleep.

thanks everyone for the suggestions/comfort/support. i so needed to vent! not that i feel any better now, because i just wanna sleep, but hopefully i'll get SOME sleep tonite and tomorrow will be better!

[Duck]

both are asleep now but every time i lay down to go to sleep i swear one wakes up.

I remember that! Oh, that made me wanna tear all of my hair out. They'd be sleeping so well I could vacuum or even bang on the wall with a baseball bat, but the second I would lay down or start homework, one would just start screaming his little head off. Get some rest, it helps with the nerves cuz like Candy (I really think it was Candy, sorry if it was someone else) said, when you get agitated, they sense it and it only makes them cry more. There is nothing wrong with setting them down somewhere safe and going outside.

[TEF]

Try to get some sleep now that they are laying down, try your best to ignore the little noises they make while sleeping, I know when you hear them you are probably thinking "oh great, now they are going to wake up and/or start screaming" this is a natural thought. So try to ignore the noises and shut your mind off. If they need you, you will hear them and wake up. Its very hard in the beginning, VERY but, it will get easier! :hug

Are they taking paci's or anything as a soothing mechanism? I know alot of people are against them and if you are thats fine, I understand but, just thought I would ask.

Try practicing holding them both when they are not screaming, that way when they are crying you will be more used to it. I promise you, you will get used to it and pritty soon it will be second nature to hold them both at the same time.

Thinking of you sweetie and I sincerely hope you are getting some rest right now!
:comfort

[Lilac]

Smidg, my girls did not like anything except our arms. It wasnt until almost 6 months that they would sit in the bouncy chair without crying. They were collicky and it sucked. Just remember as much as if feels like it wont pass....IT WILL! :hugs

[Super Goo]

Swings were what saved my life.. It will pass.. Perhaps they are gassy?

[Smidget]

TEF, they do take pacis, but not all the time. especially alanna...they spit em out or lock their jaws so we can't put em in...they'll suck on a boob for hours though if i let em...

[TEF]

Smidge, your awake :( :cry Girlfriend, I so wish I lived near you, I would come over in a heart beat and walk the floors with them while you got some much needed rest!

Did they wake up again?

Have you tried Mylcon (sp?) drops or anything? Perhaps they are gassy (as a previous poster mentioned??)

[Smidget]

yup the're both awake again...i dunno about gas. i haven't eaten nething different...i forgot about mylacon...i'll try it now before they start crying again (alanna's actually sitting quietly in the bouncy chair while i nurse devonne!)

[Iggy]

What kind of bouncy chair do you have? My boys did like their Ocean Wonders chair.

Are you co-sleeping or are they in their crib? Two cribs or together in one crib? My boys wouldn't sleep at all unless they were swaddled tightly and snuggled up together until they were like 9 months old.

[gypsymom]

Smidge darling, I feel for you. I can't even tell you how many times I asked DH if we could just take them back to the hospital or if it was too late to do adoption. Everyone has really great suggestions. Just remember that babies are much more resilient than they seem. A conscientious mother such as yourself won't hurt them. One place I would sit to hold both of mine is on the bed. I would lay them on it, put pillows behind my back and get comfortable then I could pick them up one at a time but felt like I had plenty of space should I slip or need to put one down in a hurry. Put a pillow on each of your sides, too, then you can lay the babies on them right next to you. This works great in place of a nursing pillow, too.

Since your girls are nursing well, pacis would probably be good, too. I didn't really want to use them at first but I more or less ended up forcing them on the boys because they were driving me crazy.

I know where you're coming from about asking for help, too. I have been obstinately independent my whole life, to the point where I would pawn things to pay rent or buy rice to eat before asking for help or money. When I was preggers we lived in Portland and had only a couple of friends that we met after we moved there. Both DH's parents and mine came out to help in the beginning, but we freaked out when we realized that they were going to leave and we would be alone, with pretty much no friends, only one (unreliable) vehicle and a very demanding large dog who needs daily walks. We decided to move all the way accross the country to temporarily stay with DH's parents so that he wouldn't have to go back to work (we had money saved but not enough to cover rent, etc.) and could spend time with the boys. It was great having him around, but in retrospect I think we could have done it. Living with the inlaws is harder in a lot of different ways. It has been a huge blow to my ego and my self-confidence to be in this situation, but I have learned that there are times when we HAVE to ask for help and that it's really not that big of a deal--people really do like to help with babies and your pride doesn't get too bruised. I also learned that sometimes other people will think they are helping you more than they are unless you are specific about your needs. Ultimately no matter how crazy it seems you will draw from a well of inner strength to help you get through it, even if your well is just allowing your babies to cry without your heart bleeding every time they do.

Sorry this got so long. You can and will do it and you have GZ to vent to whenever you need to, which is a wonderful thing. :hug

[Iggy]

Mine wouldn't take pacis either.

Gypsy, that was a beautiful post :hug

[Sofa King]

AHHH smidge I wanna come there right now and help!!! I had two that were hard to comfort for months! I'd cry and cry right along with them. Actually when I'd cry too, they seemed to sense it and slow down theirs a bit?

I remember saying to my sister (thru tears on the phone) They really are NOT good babies. Like when people say, "Oh they are such a good baby" Mine are not. And my sister telling me that they are babies and babies will cry. It will be fine and that anyone telling you that they have a 'good baby' is either f*cking lying or has a blah, slow baby.

I have to say that the swings worked for us too. I used to say that I would die if I didn't have my swings and my sister used to tease me that I better call the kindergarten teacher about making room at the back of the room for the swings because they were addicted! :lol

Anyway, CRY VENT Walk outside and just count to 60, or 120 or even 240!!! Crying won't hurt them and neither will you while holding both of them. If they can be ok after squeezing thru the tight and small birthcanal and being squished in utero for all that time, you holding both tightly won't hurt them at all!

I feel so bad for you and how you described what's happening makes it seem like yesterday for me. You are doing so incredibly well and have inpressed me since day one....so just hang in there and you will do fine. :heart :hug :kiss

[The Pez Dispenser]

Smidge :hugs You are bringing back so many memories for me. We've all been there. I know it seems like the crying will never end and you will never make it through but we're all here and still alive. Everyone has already had great suggestions..so I dont have too much to add. I just wish I could help. Many times I cried because I wanted to sleep so bad but it seemed like one of the babies would always be awake and crying. The sling thing is an excellent idea. You can put one in there and still have both hands free to tend to the other baby. That might be worth a shot. And dont be afraid to ask for help. Go to your local twins club if that's what you have to do. They understand more than anyone what you are going through and I'm sure will be more than willing to help you out.
I hope you get lots of rest. Hang in there girl :hugs :comfort

[Tart Breaker]

Smidge, do you have anyone you can call and talk to?

Mine would scream and scream from 6pm until midnight... we got them on reflux meds and they were much better. Ruby talked me through that several times.

I have slings I can send you, they're the maya wrap kind but it can help.

You can always pack up and come here. I'd go there, but 4 kids isn't what you need and I'd have to bring them all with me.

IM me your number and I'll be glad to call you.

[Ringlette]

I really really hope you are sleeping right now!

Another thing to try is a bath...for them. Get those little foam things that sit in the bottom of the tub and you can bathe them both at the same time. They can't roll over yet, so you don't have to worry about catching one of them. The tricky part is diapering 2 babies before they pee everywhere.:teehee When you take them out of the tub, dry their butts off, and put them on an open diaper, and cover them up with a towel so thier vaginas don't get cold (yes this is true for girls too). That way you won't have to wash the bathmat if they do pee.

As you can read from all of us, this is the hardest time for you and them. There are some things you can try, but honestly, you will jsut have to get to know what your babies like and don't like. Maybe that's why things do get better. We get to know our children better and them us. It really really really does get better! None of us would currently be mommies if it didn't.:lol

Also, try to learn how to tandem nurse them AND sleep. You would be amazed what you can come up with when you are desperate. When the girls were about a month old, nursing got SO much easier, and I learned how to tandem nurse and sleep. That was awesome! If you would like details of how you could possibly do it, PT me.

I would be there in a heartbeat if I could!:hugs :luv

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[Smidget]

What kind of bouncy chair do you have? My boys did like their Ocean Wonders chair.

Are you co-sleeping or are they in their crib? Two cribs or together in one crib? My boys wouldn't sleep at all unless they were swaddled tightly and snuggled up together until they were like 9 months old.
i have the fisher price papasan chair...im thinking about getting the ocean wonders one, too. they're sleeping together, swaddled, in the same crib, but somehow it seems like at least one always ends up in our bed with us. i can't tell if it makes a difference to them whether or not they are sleeping together yet, but i do know that they are AMAZING at sleeping through each other crying...especially devonne, because alanna screams like no other! i swear that girl could break glass!

[Ringlette]

I have slings I can send you, they're the maya wrap kind but it can help.

Yes, send them to her! I have one too, but I don't know where it is or I would send it. I also have a double electric pump-in-style medela breast pump. It's about 5 years old, but it's still good. PT me if you want it.

[Iggy]

You can always pack up and come here. I'd go there, but 4 kids isn't what you need and I'd have to bring them all with me.

IM me your number and I'll be glad to call you.
I second that. You can come here whenever you need to. I'd have to bring my kids to come see you too.

[Ringlette]

Smidge, I suggest getting a vibrating bouncy that you can bounce with your foot. Sometimes I had to bounce my girls so hard I thought they would fly out...but they never did and they stopped crying.

This (http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2011&e=detail&selcat=bgb&pid=35639) is the 2006 version of what I had for my girls. See how the "legs" are? You can put your foot on the bottom "leg" and bounce it.

[Smidget]

OMG you guys are simply amazing!!! if it weren't for you and being able to check back on this post for new suggestions, i don't think i woulda made it through the night!

gypsy - that was an absolutely BEAUTIFUL post! thank you so much! i know exactly what you mean, because i am the SAME way!


sofa - that's exactly what my mom told me when i called her tonite..."babies cry, it's what they do. sometimes you don't know why, but its not cuz you're doing anything wrong, its just cuz they're babies"

pez - i think i am gonna send out an email to the MOTC here tomorrow asking who i can call or something...

tarto - i called my mom, dad, and DH at work, who was surprisingly supportive tonite. one of his co-worker's wives actually called me and offered help, so she should be coming over early next week sometime. :) oh, and if you don't mind, i'd LOVE those wraps. lemme know if you want some dinero for em!

ring - i definately just gave them baths! they work WONDERS!!! i swear, throw these kids in some warm water and they go to sleep. seriously. alanna falls asleep sucking on her fist in the tub! and i know exactly what chairs you mean. i gotta get some. this papasan one looked really cool, but it doesn't bounce. ah well.

tarto and iggy - seriously, i may just take you guys up on that. he wanted me to go to SC for these 4 nights to stay with his gramma, and i was like WTF is an 80 year old woman gonna do with two screaming babies!!! that and i dunno, just not really where i'd wanna be when i had a mental breakdown. maybe i'll alternate between you two when he works nights lmao.

whoever i missed (if anyone) thank you all sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o much! you have no idea how much all your responses mean to me! i gave the girls a bath, got them to bed, and am now headed there myself (FINALLY!!!). i'll talk to ya all tomorrow, and i love you guys!!!

[TEF]

Get some much needed rest, sweetie! :heart I am sending baby sleeping vibes so those beautiful girls sleep tonight and give you some rest!

[gypsymom]

That's so wonderful, Smidge! Sleep well and have sweet dreams.

When you wake up definately utilize your DH's coworkers' wives if they are offering help. Everyone likes to hold babies! And get that skinny little butt of yours to Tarty's and Iggy's. :lol

[Ringlette]

That's so wonderful, Smidge! Sleep well and have sweet dreams.

When you wake up definately utilize your DH's coworkers' wives if they are offering help. Everyone likes to hold babies! And get that skinny little butt of yours to Tarty's and Iggy's. :lol

:goodpost

When those beautiful girls do wake up, just stare at them and take in everything. They might not let you sleep, but they are definitely miracles that will give you more love than you think you can handle sometimes. Remember, you are their world.

I hope you are getting some sleep tonight.:hugs

[zakity]

You know....when they were screaming and I needed a break... I would take a shower. I would do everything I could think of first and then, if they were still screaming, I would put them somewhere safe (their playpen or their crib or somewhere like that) and take a hot shower. It calmed me down. Sometimes, my being calmer helped.