How young is too young...

[gypsymom]

for CIO? I know some of you out there have read all the books that I can never seem to remember to get at the library, so I thought I'd utilize your resevoir of knowledge. :para

Z will fall asleep fine as long as his brother is there. But L is another story. He only wants me all the time. He won't nap unless I'm holding him or laying next to him and at night time he tries to do the same. I usually have to nurse him at least once or twice after I put him down. The first time I do that it seems like he didn't get enough before I put him down and once he's in the crib realizes that he needs to eat up for the night. After that I think it's just because he wants the comfort of being near me. I've tried to establish that he only gets one chance to "finish" eating. After that I will lay my hands on him and sing him a lullaby. I'll take my hands out of the crib and sing it one more time and by then he's usually asleep. :crossed A lot of nights, however, even though he's seemingly asleep he'll cry out when I leave the room. I'm tempted to let him CIO because this whole "routine" usually takes 1-2 hours from the time I first nurse them before bed and it's very trying and exhausting. But I don't know if that's recommended at this age (7 mo). What do you guys think?

Also, he wakes up in the night and around 1-2 a.m. I usually have to give in and go to bed and let him sleep with me. Then Z wakes up and fusses until I put him next to his brother and he'll fall back asleep immediately. I fear I'm creating some bad sleep patterns. :help

[Smidget]

gypsy, i have two that do that and it really sucks! i mean, i need to put them down SOMETIME!!! and as soon as i nurse them, they're fine and right back asleep. i don't think they're too young for CIO, but that's cuz i remember babysitting and putting whichever kid was the baby down and letting him/her cry from about 6 months on (at parent's request). mine, i just put them down wide awake a little while ago, and they cried a little bit. i was gonna go up and comfort them and pick them up and stuff, adn then put them back down, but they both fell asleep before i could. so i dunno. i don't consider what i just did CIO, but some people may. then again mine are only a month old so i'm no expert, but i just wanted to put in my two cents...i hope you figure it out!

[Free Bird]

Gypsy, I think your boys are old enough for CIO.
I know lots of people are against it and it's not easy to sit there and listen to your little one crying their heart out. I honestly don't know what the books say about how long to let them cry, 'cause I never read any of the book. I just did it myself. I started when the girls had doubled their birth weight, which was around 3.5 months. (I know this is too young by some standards) Anyway, what I did was after their last feeding of the evening, for us it was around 9ish back then, we would put them in their crib and after giving hugs and kisses goodnight, I'd turn on the music and say "time for nite nite" and walk out. If they cried, I let it go for only a couple of minutes since they were young before going in, comfort some more and then walk out again. The key to success, in my opinion, is not to pick them up everytime they start crying when you put them down for the night. Kids are way smarter than we give them credit for and they will remember that everytime they cry you give in and pick up. It went surprisingly easy for us. The girls have been sleeping through the night by almost 4 mo of age. A point I need to make is that I wasn't BF at night, so I'm sure that may make a difference as well and maybe a mom that BF for a while can give you pointers about sleeping through the night.

It will be tough, I am not tryin gto scare you but I don't like lying to my firends either (not that I would lie to anyone but you know what I mean :teehee) I have a friend of mine who's twins are a little over a year old and they won't sleep at night without her. I remember her calling me one night and telling me "I'm trying it" I could hear her girls screaming in the back ground and felt so bad for her. I could hear the strain in her voice. It's not for everyone, and don't feel bad if you can't do it. One thing that I was told that works is to have your SO put them to bed, if they are used to you being there. We did this a couple of times and it really did work. My girls really didn't put up much of a fight, which made it super easy. I don't know if it's because we started early or because, well, they just really like to sleep. :lol

Use music to your advantage. I have a crib toy that plays different melodies. I use one song for night time and a different one for nap time. I'm sorry this got so long winded. Hope I gave you something to work with. :hug

[Spuds]

I don't think they are too young for CIO, either. I think in most books it says around 4mo. I, like Lissette, did it early. I had to go back to work when they were 2.5mo and my DH worked midnight shift. So at about 3mo. I started it. It was at the same time they started sleeping in their cribs as opposed to the pnp. We were also doing the dreamfeed. My babes are GREAT at falling asleep on their own( him better than her). If we put them to bed he will just lay there until he falls asleep. She sometimes tosses and turns and fusses a little (if she had a late nap). They have been sleeping through since we started the CIO and dreamfeed (we only did for like 3w). People can't believe how easy they go down, and I owe it all to CIOing early. I always went in to comfort them and put binkys in (they only use them at night, for naps, and in the car), and it was SUPER hard, but now they know when they are in the crib (and they get the prayer from their prayer bears) it is time to go to sleep. The past 4 months have been wonderful! They sleep from 7:30-8 until 6:30-7. Good enough for me!

At around the same time (3mo) we let Brandon CIO for naps during the day. He COULDN"T fall asleep ANYWHERE. After about a 2min cry (seemed sooo much longer) he'd be OUT.

So, I say, try it! I don't think you will reget it at all. :hugs

[Duck]

It's horrible, but I don't remember when I started doing it with the boys. I think they are old enough. I know there were times when I did it when they were between 3-5 months because I would put them down with a paci and they'd be fine. They actually slept really well back then. But then, they learned at that age that if they spit the paci out and cried, I would start running. I didn't want them to use negative actions to get attention, so I stop coming. So, in a way I started it back then, but it wasn't the same really. I does work really well, but the first couple nights are the worst. It's hard. I hope it works out for you, and I would say that they are old enough, but make sure that all of you are ready for it. Good luck, I'll keep my :crossed that it works!

[Supercalafragilistic]

I think it's fine at this age. At 8 months old, they should be used to thier routine, and they are waking out of habit, not going to sleep out of habit, etc.

Before going for the full blown CIO, have you tried FIO, where you just let them fuss, but once they start actual crying, you go in and comfort them? When you comfort them, don't pick them up. Just rub their backs, tummy, etc, and talk softly to them.

[Iggy]

I second what Kebbie said. I'd try the gentler methods before full-blown extinction CIO, but it sounds like your guys are ready to sleep and just need to learn how.

[Lilac]

I second what Kebbie said. I'd try the gentler methods before full-blown extinction CIO, but it sounds like your guys are ready to sleep and just need to learn how.


:word

[gypsymom]

Thanks everybody. I have more or less tried what Kebs said. I think the hardest thing about our situation is that we live with the inlaws and my MIL is neurotic. Sometimes it feels like she's blaming me for them crying. :roll She seems to forget all the time that she is a GRANDMOTHER and not the MOTHER. She drives me crazy. They went out and got a second crib because they thought that would help them sleep at night. That was a disaster. I don't mind that they want to sleep together. Z sleeps better and L doesn't wake him. I just don't want L to need me. I feel like if I try CIO she'll just force her way in (like she always does when they cry) and pick him up. I can try to talk to her about it first, but I feel like she never approves of any of my methods or ideas. Did I mention that she drives me crazy? That I absolutely hate it here? That I'm about to have a complete and total breakdown? This is turning into another thread.

[Supercalafragilistic]

Okay, having the MIL involved is something else. maybe you could stand guard at thier bedroom door until they go to sleep?

[gypsymom]

:lol Kebs

I'd like to have Zak's boys in full makeup with ice picks and hatchets stand just inside the door...

[Duck]

My mother was the same way. We'd have discussions where I would assert who was mommy, but she still always had her way of doing thing and mine was obviously wrong. I eventually moved out. I hope yall get that option soon. Maybe if you can spare some extra cash, treat her to a nice dinner somewhere (have someone else take her) for the first night so that she doesn't interfere. Otherwise, I don't know. Hope you get it figured out and get some sleep, and MIL realizes that she's "not da mama!"

[Smidget]

omg i gotta give you TONS of kudos for living with your inlaws and putting up with that. i couldn't do it. i love my MIL to death, really i do, but i could NEVER live with her. she's the same way...everything i do isn't right or isn't enough...

[Iggy]

Wow. I think living with your MIL is punishment for shoplifting in some countries :para

Anyway, maybe talk to her and then stand guard at their door? :shrug

[Ringlette]

I lived with my mom, so I totally know where you are coming from! I'm so sorry that you are dealing with a hard decision about your boys, AND your MIL!:hugs My mom almost always respected my decisions, but she hated to be woken up, and my girls fought CIO like nothing else. They weren't the typical cry for a few days and then they're good. They screamed for 2 months! I started when they were 11 months old and finally got them to sleep thru the night when they were 13 months old. I figured out that I couldn't go into them AT ALL or it would make it worse. So no FIO for us. During that whole time I could hear my mom swearing in her bedroom about me and the girls, and slamming doors. She really is a bit crazy. Nothing like listening to your babies scream and scream and your mom cuss you out at the same time.

I suggest you talk to her about it first. Try FIO. Honestly, I think they are too young for full blown CIO. Set up a night time routine that is a little different from your current one, and when it's done that's it. It's bedtime. Get a sound machine or lullaby CD too. I still use my girls' sound machine and it's awesome! I also suggest you go one step further with getting MIL out of the house. Get her a 3 nights stay somewhere so she is REALLY out of the house.

I wish you luck. I know how frustrating all of it is. Whatever you decide to do, or whatever works or doesn't work, we are here for you.:hugs

[gypsymom]

I can't believe it. Tonight when I put them down I decided to start singing them the lullaby right away instead of leaving the room and then coming back and blah blah blah. I was ignoring them and picking up the room and doing stuff while I sang it. L went right to sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Z was still awake so I gave him some teething tablets, turned on their "movie" (projects stars and animals on the ceiling) and left the room and he fell right asleep, too.

I think L overheard me talking about CIO and decided it wasn't worth the effort. :lol

Anyway, I'm sure it's a freak incident, but it sure is nice.

Also, I talked to MIL and DH about CIO tonight. She was understanding. He was like, "I'm going to get him if he cries too hard." :headbang

[zak frost]

Way cool!! Hope that continues!!

And...about my kids.... They are scary enough without the makeup!!