Am I wrong to be annoyed?

[Loosey]

My son is in 5th grade and without giving the insanely long background I will just say he has ADHD. Second grade was a nightmare for us, but he is now on meds (against my initial better judgement) and he has done awesome since. Needless to say I am super anal about staying on top of his schoolwork and behavior. They come home with "behavior plans" every Friday and if they have missed an assignment or misbehaved in class the STUDENT is to write it on the sheet and give an explanation of what the offense was then the parent is to sign and return. So my son comes home with one of these things last week and all it has on it is the # of the offense...in this case he didn't follow directions. So I ask him what the hell he did and he "can't remember". Uhhhhh so I write a little note on the sheet saying "please give me a bit more information on this" because quite frankly, it's hard to take care of a situation you know nothing about. She writes me back...

"It's his responsibility to write a one-sentence explanation of the expectation he did nto choose to follow. He should be able to answer any questions you have regarding this paper"

:stfu

Ummmm, obviously I didn't get satisfactory answers from HIM so I would like some from YOU. Am I wrong to be totally put off by this flip answer??? My initial instinct was to fire off a terse e-mail, but thought better of it as I don't know this teacher yet...would I be wrong if I did?

[Lilac]

Well, I would wait to hear what the reason for this was. The teacher may be in the right and I would listen to what she has to say.

[Supercalafragilistic]

I don't agree with Lilac. I think that if you asked the teacher, she should be able to tell you what happened. Mikey is the same way, I"ll ask him what he did, and he "can't remember."

I do think that you should talk to your son about it and how he needs to write down the explanation when it happens, but I also think that the teacher should be able to explain when it happens.

[davisx2]

I agree with you, if you have no idea of what the rule/behavior was how can you correct it. If the teacher wants your help and co-operation she/he needs to be more specific.

If this incident happened on a Monday and the note comes home on Friday who/how would a person remember what the problem is/was? The behavior needs to be addressed/corrected same day as action were observed!

I don't have any experience with adhd and I am sure it can be a challenge, but even so IMO this can be damaging his self esteem and self worth if the teacher is so quick to put him down every time he messes up.

I personaly think I would set up a meeting face to face with this teacher to discuss the situation and see if you can come to a happy medium. If the teacher is unwilling to co-operate and has no idea what adhd is I would educate him/her on this condition.

Good luck, and I hope something can get resovlved before your son loses complete interst in school, and in himself.

[WendyDixie]

I agree with Kebs. I would write a matter-of-fact email to her telling her how if you asked her it is because you could not get him to tell you, otherwise you would not of asked. Be as polite as possible but stern.

Also talk to him, tell him that he NEEDS to remember what it was. Explain the importance of it.

[Lilac]

I guess I say that because sometimes my kids conveniently forget what they have done because they dont want to fess up.

[Loosey]

I agree sometimes they do conveniently forget, and my son is guilty of this sometimes. When you talk to him though, he is half listening and his mind has already moved on to something else which is why I have a hard time deciphering if it's him being a 10 yr old or his adhd...know what I mean? Ugh. Either way, he wasn't telling me what I needed to know so I feel she should have been a bit more informative. I really appreciate your feedback ladies! Thanks!

[Lilac]

I agree that she should have sent a note home describing what happened. Absolutly.

[TEF]

I would be annoyed. At both my son and the teacher. I have two whom never remember anything, and it drives me crazy. When you wrote the note asking for more information, it should have been quite obvious to the teacher that your son doensn't remember what he did. I would either email or call and reiterate that you received an "I don't know" response from your son re: the offense hence why you wrote the note.
Good luck!

[Smidget]

i think you have a right to be absolutely pissed! how childish! as a teacher it's her responsibility to handle problems along with parents, and to work together with parents. and there was obviously a problem that needs to be handled. not to mention the problem in and of itself that he is not following directions by writing the sentence. how are problems supposed to be fixed if you don't even know what they are???? i'd have a talk with her if i were you.

[Sofa King]

Do I understand this right? Only once a week, on Friday's is he supposed to write down what offense he had all week? WTF? Mine can't even remember what they ate for lunch by the time they get home.

If that's the policy, that they write a one sentence explanation themself (to internalize it, or so they really understand it) fine. Have them do it IMMEDIATELY. If they can't, then maybe they don't even 'get' why they are in trouble or what they did wrong. THAT would be the first step.

My Skyler is ADHD and when we go thru a rough patch we start a smilie communication system. She is required to go to each teacher with her planner at the end of a class (they change classes in elem. school here) and the teacher gives her a smilie, a frown or a straight face. So I know how the day went. Well, there were a few times she got a sad face and I asked why and She had NO IDEA? I wrote a note asking them to ask Skyler BEFORE giving her the smilie what she THINKS she got, and why and if they didn't agree to make sure she understood what she did wrong.

Thank goodness the teachers agreed, and said that if they forget they encouraged Skyler to ask them assuring her that she would never get in trouble for questioning their smilie face.

I would talk to the teacher about the best strategy for the perceived result. If they just want to punish the child....or if they really want them to learn from their mistakes and improve. :rolleyes

[zak frost]

I like Sofa's idea. If my kids go to school, I would probably do something similiar with Q because he is ADHD.

[Free Bird]

That's a great idea Sofa.
I too would contact the teacher. I think it's a little unreasonable to expect a child to remember what happend on Monday, come Friday. Heck, I'm 36 years old and I can't remember what happend on Monday, and it's only Wednesday. :lol

IMO, that system is setting the kids up for failure. Maybe they can write it down on a daily basis. That way the issue is addressed the day it happens and not at the end of the week when the issue has passed. It just seems silly to deal with an old issue. That would be like me grounding my son this week for what he did last week. KWIM?

Hope the issue gets resolved for you. Let us know how it goes.

[CherHell]

Lu that is complete bullshit... I would call the teacher and if u r not satisfied escalate to the principal...

Aw, poor Reid ...

[Ringlette]

I think having them write it down themselves for their parents to read is a really good idea (when it happens not days later), but that does not mean that the child is SOLEY responsible for communicating with their parents. As a teacher it is also her responsibility to keep lines of communication open with parents. That was extremely irresponsible and childish of her, and yes you have a right to be upset.

[YoMomma]

As a 5th grade teacher, I can take both sides...
I know a lot of my students only tell their parents good things, or show them good grades.
However, knowing that....
I would've written more. You can't trust a 10 yr. old to "tell" on themselves! Please...most of mine would never rat on themselves cause their parents would kick their butts!

[Duck]

I think that you should speak to the teacher whether it be in person or on the phone. I think that Smidge and Ring hit the nail on the head with saying it was childish of the teacher to respond the way she did. As pps have said, they should write it down immediately, but no later than the end of THAT day. I also think that teacher needs to reevaluate her strategies, at least to me it seems like a lot of emphasis on negative attention. I'm not saying that kids shouldn't be disciplined, but sometimes I think some people think that the only way to teach kids is to punish them for their wrongs, and it sounds like that is what this teacher is doing, but I don't know the whole story, so maybe not. Either way, her response was completely unappropriate, and you have every right to be upset. I hope you don't have anymore run-ins like this again with the teacher and that you can get this resolved quickly.

[rtmommie]

I didn't realize this was you when I read it earlier! I'm still not used to your new name. Anyway, Call Mrs. Ellis first thing in the am. Not bother with the VP...she's useless. (She fell asleep during Ethan's IEP. I kicked her out and when she came last year I requested Mrs. Ellis). If he can't remember she needs to tell you.