almost 5, horrid attitude problems

[Moonie]

I am having a horrible time with Taylor right now. She is whineing. She is talking like a baby, hitting her brothers, talking back, swinging at me and on and on. I have never had problems with her like this. She has always been the kid that people say they wish their kid was like. I ahve tried the naughty chair, I have tried the corner. I have tried spanking. I have tried getting to her level. I have taken her TV from her. I have cut out all cartoons. I am ready to beat her. She is in her room right now for grabbing her brother by the arm and jerking him from the floor to the couch.

We do mommy and Taylor time. We do daddy and Taylor time. I ahve set time each week that is one on one time with her.

I have had it though. I can not deal with her being aggresive to her brothers. What should I do?

[Santa's little dragonfly]

Oh so sorry :hugs I don't really have much to help you with. You are doing all the things I would of suggested "mommy time" and "daddy time". I hope it gets better...

[Candyland]

I have 2 of them going through the exact same thing. Aggressive, whiny, and just plain mean. I have no advice but I'll be watching this thread.

[Bella~*]

you know if you get some advice please let me know too, our 5 year old is just like your taylor.. Skyler has been really crazy latley. He has an apt with a neurologist here eventually. or whomever will see him sooner for add or adhd. His father is add.. so we'll se how this turns out.

sorry hun, i truly truly know how your feeling. :hug

[zak frost]

Have you tried freaking out on her? I do one of two things. I either totally freak out and yell really loud (to get their attention) or I start whispering. If I start whispering, they know that I have had it and I am ready to kill them.

Have you done the "do you want treated like that" speech?

[rtmommie]

I had the same issues with my 7 yo. Do the opposite of what you are doing. Do praises instead of punishments where appropriate. Ethan responded better to this since I was giving him needed attention. When we did negative attention he would act out more looking for more attention.

I know it can be frustrating, hang in there.

[CherHell]

you have described mine on some days... I hope someone comes up w/ some good advice for us :) in the interim... hang in there!

[zak frost]

I have always tried (not the best at it, but I do try) to praise them when they are behaving the way I want them to. I like to "catch" them doing nice behavoir. Then, some time later (not too much later when they were younger, now it can be way later because they are older), when we have a quiet moment, I give them a hug and whisper in their ear that I noticed how nice they were playing with whomever (or whatever they did that was nice). I tell them how much I like that behavoir and that I am so proud of them for remembering to do that behavoir.

[Free Bird]

Were you looking in our windows today???? Holy cow you just described Maddy. From what I see with you situation and other posters, this is a phase we are going through together. I was ready to beat Maddy myself today. She has been showing her butt too. She is currently grounded, yes, my 5 y/o is grounded, because she went to the neighbor's across the street to play with her grandson and didn't tell us. Don't get me started on how she walked out the front door past Daddy and he didn't notice. Do you know how humiliating it is to have to go looking for your daughter. Thank god we're friends with the neighbor or she might've thought I was a crappy mom that couldn't keep track of her kids. :blush

[Lilac]

Consistency. Whatever you do for dicsipline do it every time.

Her behavior might be a symptom of something else. Instead of freaking out on her the next time...and actually dont even wait for the next time. Sit down with her and talk to her about it. Ask her howshe has been feeling lately, how things are going at school or daycare. She might be acting out on her brothers because she feels safe in her environment and can be in control. I don't know. It just seems that if this isn't typical behavior forher there might be something else there.

Good luck! :hugs

[WhoserMomma!]

I have 3 who can be like that. :para

In my experience:

My first reaction is to yell (and big mama's gotta big mouth) Sadly, they are getting immune to Old Yeller. Now I sit down with them and ask them what is ticking them off. A lot of times I hear a whole bunch of stuff going back to even someone mean to them at school. When Sammi gets stressed out, she takes it out on her brothers. Sit down ask her what is wrong, why she's mad, what can you do to fix it...Then after being the concerned parent...

Set boundaries and let her know ahead of time what will be the consequence for hurting her brothers. For example, "If you hit your brother again, I will have to whip yer butt." MAKE SURE YOU FOLLOW OUT WITH IT! Stay consistent! You won't see changes immediately, but they will come IF you're consistent. Let her know you love her, and it is okay for her to get mad, but tell her she cannot hurt other people.
I believe once she knows she can communicate her problems to you, her whining will fade.
I pray the best for you!

[Sofa King]

I have 3 who can be like that. :para

In my experience:

My first reaction is to yell (and big mama's gotta big mouth) Sadly, they are getting immune to Old Yeller. Now I sit down with them and ask them what is ticking them off. A lot of times I hear a whole bunch of stuff going back to even someone mean to them at school. When Sammi gets stressed out, she takes it out on her brothers. Sit down ask her what is wrong, why she's mad, what can you do to fix it...Then after being the concerned parent...

Set boundaries and let her know ahead of time what will be the consequence for hurting her brothers. For example, "If you hit your brother again, I will have to whip yer butt." MAKE SURE YOU FOLLOW OUT WITH IT! Stay consistent! You won't see changes immediately, but they will come IF you're consistent. Let her know you love her, and it is okay for her to get mad, but tell her she cannot hurt other people.
I believe once she knows she can communicate her problems to you, her whining will fade.
I pray the best for you!

:yeah :goodpost

I'm going thru it too and I'm gonna listen! Dayna YOU ROCK!!!!!

[Chaser]

I went through this with Alex last year when she was five. I read a really good book called 1-2-3 Magic, which has been working great with her. It's tough to follow sometimes, I mean, not HOW to do it, but actually doing it. The cliff's notes version is that when you pick a battle, you stay calm (hard part #1), you don't talk to your child, you don't try to reason with them, you simply say "That's one." If they keep it up, "That's two." and again, you don't say anything else, don't give them 2 1/2, 2 3/4, 2 7/8 etc. and then at three, they have to take quiet time- one minute for each year old they are. Quiet time isn't ALWAYS quiet, usually Alex would cry and carry on, but as long as she sat on the chair (in the kitchen, usually) she could whine, complain, and carry on all she wanted, I didn't pay attention. If she got up, I'd add another minute on the timer hanging on the fridge, without saying anything. We're at the point now that if I say "That's one." She stomps her foot and huffs, but either starts what I want her to start (setting the table, doing her homework) or stops what I want her to stop. (Dragging her brother/sister on the carpet, etc.) The book isn't perfect- you have to get over the fact that the author is pretty much comparing raising kids to training a puppy, but it's made a HUGE impact at home.

The other thing we tried/still use is a reward system for when she's being good. Everytime she does something she's supposed to, like setting the table, making her bed, getting ready for school on time, she gets a poker chip. She keeps them in a jar on her dresser. Then we assign "point" values to things she wants. A trip to the library where we'll stay and play a while (rather than just pick books and go) is 20 chips. Gum is 5 chips. A trip to get ice cream is 25 chips. A Barbie is 100 chips, etc. If she isn't good in school, if she has to be reminded a few times of her chores, we take a chip away. I stole the idea from an episode of Nanny 911. She used Marbles. The twins can swallow marbles. Poker chips, a little safer.

She's still Alex, she's still an experience, but it's cut down a lot on the tantrums in public, and in being aggressive towards her siblings. It's also helped a bit with her mouthing off to me. Plus the 1, 2, 3 thing, I like the fact that I'm not yelling all the time. At least if you're out, you seem all calm and together- even if you're thinking to yourself... "So THIS is what happened to Rosemary's baby!"

And, if all else fails... I have "santa" on speed dial. I'll call up a friend as Alex is acting up and say "Hello, Santa? This is Alex's mom. Oh, you ARE watching her? Good, so you're crossing a few toys off her list?" Santa is VERY Big-Brother in my house.

Sorry for the novel, but I've SO been there, and I'm sure I will be again! Good luck!

[TEF]

You have gotten some great advice! Hope something works for you!

hang in there!

[UnFun]

:kickcan Guess it's just this age :cry

[Jennifer]

UGH! I am totally feeling your pain right now. We just had the same problem with our 4 1/2 year old and her attitude. I think a lot of the advice you got was right on! We tried to stay very consistant with our discipline and layed out the consequences so she would know what was going to happen if she didn't obey. If she still acted crazy then she would get punished (even if her punishment kinda punished us in the process... like not getting to go out to dinner or to the park). We also set up a reward system for good behavior and tried to go "over the top" if we caught her doing something right. I set up a sticker chart where we would mark her chart if she had made it through the day with no timeouts or spankings. She loved that and at the end of the week if she made a certian number of stickers she would get a reward for her good behavior. I try not to yell (but it is hard after a full day of bad behavior) but I have noticed that the yelling never makes her listen more and seemed to make her behavior worse... so I am trying to be "reformed" in that area. I have started (when I tell her why she got her timeout/spanking) making her repeat to me why she thinks she got her time out until I am sure that she understands. Sometimes I think that she is so wound up, tired of listening, or excited to get out of time out that she misses the whole reason she was sent there to begin with. If I haven't clearly shown her why she got in trouble then I can't really expect her not to do it again and again! That has helped A LOT and we haven't had as much of the behavior problem lately. I do think that it is partially the age too as most of my friends with kidos in this age group are having the same problem. You just have to stand your ground and stay consistant until this mouthy stage passes. (It does pass right? LOL.). Oh.... we also payed a lot of attention to her friends and found that one was, in particular, the biggest problem. We started limiting her time around that friend and that seemed to help as well. I hope this gets better for you soon.... go take a bubble bath or something! A relaxed mommy always helps EVERY situation. ;)
-Jen

[carchris kringle]

I can only empathize with you. I have that same child here.