anyone else have these problems?

[2boyz2girlz]

my oldest (Chase) started school last yr (2008) and since the beginning he has had so many problems at school that the principal even suspended him for a day (keep in mind he is only 5)
It all started in JK, he was awesome in the beginning, he was a great helper, he listened, did what he was told, everything. then after christmas break he goes back to school and it starts, i started getting pulled aside by the teacher to tell me how bad Chase was, he was spitting, hitting, kicking, swearing and being all around rude, my DH and i had a few talks with him about this and i even had him tested for ADD, ADHD and ODD, nothing they all came back negative, so i left it thinking that it was a phase and that he would grow out of it, well by the end of the school yr i was a wreck (not only had i just had twins but i was also hospilized for a week for fear of suicide) the principal and teacher talked to me about it and the principal told me that if Chase didnt smarten up that the principal would kick him out of school (still only 5), so i said i would work over the summer with him and hopefully things would change next school yr. i worked with him all summer (DH was away and i had the kids in daycare because of the PPD) and he was great! he did awesome, so i was confident that he would be good in the school yr, so the next yr comes around, hes going into SK and he knows all the ppl in his class and hes excited and everything, first 2 months were AWESOME!!! he was really coming along and was acting super nice to everyone, then after christmas break (yes again LOL) he went back to his old self, spitting hitting kicking swearing with a few new things on top, he started threatning that he was gonna cut his friends heads off (dont know where he got that from) and started pushing and biting as well
talked to the principal and teacher again with a school suppost councellor added on top, we decided that the support councellor would work wit Chase at least once a week and i would be getting regular feedback. well he saw the SSC but i never got any updates, all i got were phone calls, then i got the worst phone call ever, i had to go pick Chase up because he punched some kid in the face and he was being suspended, i asked how long and the SSC and principal decided he would only be suspended the half day but he would be coming back to school on probation (half days only) for the next little while (i would like to add that i had no support from DH at this point, his excuse is, "i work and u take care of the kid shit") so im doing all of this by myself. anyway, so Chase did awesome with his half days (then again he was only there for 2hrs out of a 8hr day, so how much trounble can he get into in 2hrs?) so when Feb 1st hit i talked to the principal about Chase coming back full time and he said sure, so i set up a meeting with the SSC, teacher and principal and myself, we discussed how we could make it a little easier on Chase to be outside supervised and how we could reinforce the good behavior, so i went in six guns blazing and told them outright, "Chase would never do anything bad unintentionally, so maybe u need to talk to the kids that he has been mean to and ask them what they did to Chase to make him mad", and "have u tried to talk to Chase to see whats been happening?" because when Chase comes home he tells me that hes been picked on, but that he never tells the teacher because "he cant trust them" (his words not mine), so we set up a 2 day a week meeting with the SSC to learn new ways of expressing his anger and such, he now has ywllow book with some things he NOT suppose to do and then an overall grade, it can been poor good or excellent, he also has a teacher constantly watching him (not obviously) at recesses and he gets a colored card for behavior during recess (red means he was really bad, yellow means he was so-so and green means he was awesome) and when he gets good reports he is allowed special things at home
i also want to say now (tho this has been one long post) that we have had him tested and re tested for ADHD ADD and ODD, and they keep coming back negative, the dr thinks that he is just being a five yr old, to me that makes sense, but dont u think he would learn from his mistakes and start behaving? also why is he like this? there is nothing that i or the school does that makes a difference
(at HOME we DO NOT punish him for things he has done at school, THEY deal with that, i just get reports on how he is doing so that i can talk to him about it and see if there is anyway we can do something to help him)7
Been a long post and im sorry, if u made is this far thanks for reading
any suggestions?

[zakity]

Wow... That does have to be really hard to deal with.

Can you go to school with him and see if you can observe anyone picking on him?
What about homeschooling him after xmas?
Did you ask him for names of people who are picking on him?

[2boyz2girlz]

yeah i got the names of this kids that are picking on him, i gave them to the teacher and the principal but it seems to me that they arent really doing anything about it, kind of like he is already a problem child so why not just believe everyone else but him, type thing, makes me so F(*&^%$ PO'd,
i have gone to school with him to observe and it seems that he is good when he knows im there and that other ppl dont bug him when i am there, then when i am not there that is when he gets into trouble
as for homeschooling after christmas i have thought about that but DH doesnt like the idea of Chase not getting out and socializing with other kids

[zakity]

Well, it sounds like the "socialization" he is getting at school isn't healthy either. Is he in scouts or have neighbor kids he plays with or anything? Do you go to church?

[2boyz2girlz]

no neighbor kids, no church and i put him in tee ball but that doesnt seem to be working either
he is just super shy til he gets to know u and then if u bug him enough or he is in a bad mood he will
go off on u

[zakity]

How long is there between when school starts and xmas break? Could it be that it is all he can take of school right now? How much school is there between xmas break and the end of the year?

Can you hold him back a year and see if he just needs to mature?

[Jaam]

i don't want to upset you or offend you... so please just take this for what it's worth, and if you feel it's wrong, then just ignore. i have a former colleague of mine whose son was displaying this type of behavior, and was also not diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, or ODD, but ended up getting diagnosed with Bipolar and a few other disorders. my friend was also at her wit's end. all this ahppened in kindergarten with her son, too. the final straw was him trying to jump out of the car going down the interstate because he "wanted to die". his words. he also told the teacher he wanted to "wrap a girl in plastic and dip her in boiling water and cut off her arms"... in KINDERGARTEN. so your story sounds a little like hers. hope things get better for you...

[2boyz2girlz]

i will have to look into Bi-Polar disorder
as for the break in between its way too long, from the end of christmas break to the end of the school yr is like 6 months so he would only be in school for 3 months,
also right now kindegarten is only 2 and a half days a week
so monday wednesday and every other friday

[Double Blessings]

hope you can figure it out & get help if he needs it.

[LibraryMama]

As a former teacher I will tell you right now that (unfortunately) his behavior now will probably taint teachers' and principal's opinions for a long time to come. I have seen it happen all too often that as they go on to another grade the teachers talk about who the "problem child" is. I hate it. I always made it a point to befriend the "problem child" because I knew there had to be more to the story.

I agree with Jaam that you could look into the bi-polar disorder. I have had several students with the same issues. To be fair to the teachers, it is very difficult to give children with bi-polar and other behavior disorders the attention they need when they have 20+ other students to worry about as well. And it may be that he is doing some of these things to get the attention from the teacher that he wants/needs. I know that when I would give those kids a special job to do in the classroom they would take it very seriously and try SO hard to do it just right for me. As long as no one tried to do the job with/for them, they were great.

Good luck in finding the right solution for your son.